Hello, everyone! after dealing with real life and the other nonsense of living, panny and i have decided to bring back war of change. give a round of applause. we’ve worked through all of the information and hopefully improved coherency and cohesion; however, tell us if we missed something. eventually, we’ll announce an event to celebrate the re-opening, so look out for information on that. -RAIDNE, THE HEAD ADMIN
From the moonless night, screams of terror and fear resound, spreading across the world and infecting the masses; however, those sleepless nights occurred years ago. A new era began with the fires of war, and with no end in sight, the residents of Selene Isle trudge through life, basking in the momentary peace. Despite their prayers for continued monotony and peace, a storm brews, stirred to life by the continued presence of Rapture and Wraith. And as we set our sights on the seemingly peace laden isle, we must ask: how shall this tale end?
As the years passed, the number of true pairs increased; however, they continued to live in the shadows, catering to the whims of the mundane. Seven Moons kept watch over them all, instructing them and assisting them, but for many, the attitudes and ideals of the organization were smoldering, suffocating. With Seven Moons and the mundanes, they could not grasp the freedom, the power dangling before their eyes. In the beginning, rebellion was a dream, a fantasy, a figment—developed by the repressed and carried forward due to the nature of humanity. No one expected the call to sound, and no one expected the call to be answered. However, it happened.
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who had always been told that he was destined to become a great fighter one day. The best fighter, in fact. For years he had trained to the best of his ability because that was all he knew. That was going to be his life; it seemed so obvious at the time. Everything seemed so simple.
But life isn't simple, and it doesn't always turn out how you would expect.
He had changed during training. He became something that no one wanted him to be. He wasn't the perfect weapon anymore. He was too broken. At least, that's what they all told him. They said he was inhuman, and nothing more than a misused toy. But reuniting with his sacrifice... that might fix him. He might be worth something then. But when he was supposed to meet his other half, they weren't there. Only his brother's arrived. Only his brother would be the perfect weapon they desired, and Az was fine with that.
He was perfectly content to live on his own, existing as half of the pieces of a puzzle. But then he was struck by another twist of fate as the rest of the pieces were unexpectedly shoved in his face. They were all broken, too.
---
Az sighed as he wandered though the rooms of his brother's home, lazily trailing his fingertips along the wall. He didn't leave his attic much, and he forgot how boring this place could be. Everything was clean and in perfect order. Boring. So, so boring... Maybe he could go up on the roof and go fishing for birds; he hadn't cut up any avians in quite a while.
Oh, right, or he could go poke his sacrifice. Az still hadn't quite figured out how he always knew exactly where that boy was whenever they were nearby.
His bare feet padded silently across the floor out of habit, whimsically twirling his body around in a full circle so that his eyes could see every corner of their home's library. Mm, it was a shame he couldn't sneak up on Satoru and steal his hat. Not only would the little pinkette be able to sense him approaching, but he'd also likely have a fit if he thought that hat was going to be put anywhere near Az's disheveled, knotted locks. Az huffed discontentedly as he wandered behind a standing bookshelf and stared at his sacrifice through a gap between the spines. After a second or two, he placed his index finger on the side of one of the books and pushed it until it fell out the other side. He seemed unconcerned, and didn't make a move to try picking it up.
There was many things one could do with their time. For the zero, things were best approached by trying to spend some alone time in the comfort of the small library that accompanied his new home. There wasn't much one could do around this place without finding something... awful waiting around the corner. Many days he wondered what would happen if he just left and tried to go back to what things had used to be. But such thoughts were quickly swept away by the thought of the other that he had finally met. He could feel him, and he didn't know if he could go without him again now that he knew he was there.
There was also the concept of the black outs that the male suffered from. He had no control over them and it was almost like he became a separate person with no will of his own. Of course it also came to his benefit on missions that he couldn't possibly accomplish otherwise. At heart Satoru had never been a killer, he had been raised as a normal child. Perhaps he might have stayed as one if not for the freak accident that caused him to lose everything he had ever truly loved. Those here thought crazy of him however for wanting something that they spoke of as impossible. It wasn't impossible to be normal was it?
Satoru had lived it once upon a time and he would be lying if he had said he didn't miss it. They all thought of such dreams as something trivial and something that he should have. Sat wasn't like them though... so how could he forget it. But then.. .there were the dreams that reminded him of what he was. With a sigh the pink-haired male snapped the book he had been trying to read shut as he stood up from where he had been successfully keeping his distance from the others that lived here. He still wasn't completely used to them even after a year and a half time having been sent here.
As the tiny form of the male moved to the bookshelf he could feel the presence of his fighter as he descended from his loft. Satoru knew he was on the move but he didn't know quite what that meant for him. For the most part, that also meant that he had found something to entertain him or he was going to be the entertainment soon. Another soft sigh came from the boy as he moved to place the book back in its proper slot before hiding back within the depths of the library like that would help. The other could sense him just as easily as he could do the same to the red-head male. His tail however flicked lazily side by side as he looked over the books.
Az's ever growing presence kept him concerned though before suddenly a book on the other side of the shelf suddenly came out and made a thumping sound as it hit the ground. A slight twitch came over the smaller male the sword on his back moving just fine with the rest of his body. "Really Azrael?! " he growled some quickly picking up the books. "These aren't toys so if your going to fuck something up go somewhere else and do it." he grumbled to himself actually finding that the book the red-haired male had knocked off looked rather interesting. Well.. it wasn't like he had anything else to do.
The pinkette slowly stepped out from his hiding place his eyes glancing to the red haired male on the other side. "No one else will play with you I assume?" he asked casually. It wasn't like he already knew the answer...
Az still wasn't sure, even after all these months of living under the same roof, if Satoru's self-imposed isolation stemmed from a personal desire to not associate with others, from whatever had happened before rejoining their group, or from the shock of being exposed to the utter bizarreness (at least, comparatively) of the other zeroes themselves. Maybe it was even due to a mixture of all three. His obsessive need to clean everything was unusual as well. How the scientists who had made them thought that they'd be an ideal pair, Az would never know. It seemed like an impossibility.
Resting his chin on the now-bare section of ledge of the bookshelf, Az blankly stared at Satoru as he lectured. How could he be so upset about the interaction between some ink, paper, and gravity? He didn't budge when Satoru essentially told him to get lost. That would have been silly; he just got here! What point was there to going off to find something else entertaining when there was his tiny sacrifice standing right here? He didn't particularly care how he was entertained or who he annoyed in the process, so leaving would just be an unnecessary expenditure of effort.
Turning his head so that the side of his skull was leaning on the bookshelf ledge, he stared at Satoru, who was now on his side of the furniture, expectantly. Was he just going to ask questions with obvious answers? Satoru should have known by now that Az rarely answered those.
After a second of letting the question hang in the air, Az huffed and sat down on the floor with his back against the bookshelf, knees to his chest, and arms resting atop his legs. A knotted strand of hair caught on the corners of one of the books, but it was long enough to remain attached to his scalp and if it should have been causing any pain, Az couldn't feel it. He didn't speak a word or make an attempt at freeing his hair, and simply continued to blankly gaze at the ruby eyes of his sacrifice, as if the pinkette was expected to do something. It was so strange, being able to feel someone without touch...
It wasn't like the pink-haired male expected anything else than what he was given. The fighter that was bound to him by something beyond their own control were always so strong on days like these. When no one else was really in the house and it was a slow day. So Satoru wasn't to surprised that Az had found his way to him in the library. Even without their bond, it wasn't like the petite male would be anywhere else. The library was his little piece of heaven in the hell that he had managed to find himself in. Not that he had really wanted to be here to begin with, perhaps the only thing that kept him here was the same thing that irritated every fiber of his being.
He couldn't help himself though, the other red-haired male gave him some sense of him being here. Perhaps he didn't completely understand the others completely, and he might never, but Az made it a bit easier. Even if the other wasn't completely like him, there were definitely similarities that kept them at least on the same page most of the time. A soft sigh came from the petite male before he slowly moved to the other who had managed to sit down and get his hair caught in another of the books. A small shake of Satoru's head came before the sacrifice slowly pulled the fighter's hair gently out of the other book.
One day... he would fix his hair. It was such a mess all tangled and ratted like it was. Satoru on the other hand wouldn't be able to stand his hair like that feeling or no feeling. Another sigh came from him before he plopped himself down beside his fighter. "I should be used to the silence but it's still odd to me. " he said quietly. It wasn't really sure what he was speaking about, it just fit everything he guessed. "You should let me fix your hair later." he said with a small pout moving his elbow on his propped up leg and placing his chin in his palm. He doubted the other would let him, after all there was only so much he could push Az. It wasn't like Satoru could take him leaving either, as a Zero he couldn't survive on his own.. especially without the ginger.
The pink-haired male felt almost susceptible to anything, like a child. Without really thinking much of it the male pulled off his hat and held it in his hands showing the pink ears that just peaked out of his hair line. "I'll let you put bows on my ears, and wear my hat if you'd let me." he said trying to get the other to at least partially respond to him.
Satoru wasn't used to silence. Satoru wasn't used to blood. Az didn't have a good idea of what the little pinkette was used to, though, since he had never talked about it in great detail. He also didn't know how much the Seven Moons had told the boy about Az, which was another disturbing possibility to consider. Az didn't like being uninformed. But he could wait. He was patient.
By now, he had been waiting for a year and a half and hadn't asked a single question of his sacrifice. Hell, he rarely spoke at all except during wordspell battles (out of necessity) and rare moments of what appeared to be complete mental clarity. Maybe it was time to finally start learning things about Satoru. That was how fighter/sacrifice pairs were supposed to work, after all. The closer their bond, the stronger his spells should become. At least... in theory. Az needed to test this.
Az's pine hued eyes stopped focusing on Satoru in favor of lazily following some imaginary speck of nothing far off in the distance. For a moment, it seemed like he might not respond at all to the sacrifice's request. However after a few seconds of silence, Az's finger raised to Satoru's lips to indicate that he should be silent and his gaze met directly with that of the shorter male.
"I have a better offer," Az spoke with perfect clarity and confidence, and his lips even curved into a small, crooked smile -- a dramatic change from the needy, apathetic creature which could hardly take care of himself a minute ago, "I'll let you brush, clean, style, cut, and whatever else you want to do to my hair for the rest of the day, but only if you tell me about your life before coming here while you do so."
He delicately lifted his finger off of Satoru's lips before asking: "Deal?"
There was a moment where the pinkette wondered if he should have just stayed quiet. It seemed like the other really didn't want to speak and who was he to really judge that? He had been pretty separated from the others since had been brought back to them. He had been back for a lot longer than the year and a half but most of that had been in isolation due to the Seven Moons retraining their attack dog that had disappeared a long time ago. They could never truly take away what he had experienced though being out there. What being a normal person felt like....
So the small pinkette sunk into a bit of depression over time, often having nightmares of blood, screams and crying. Lots of crying and people calling his name but he couldn't see their faces. It was nothing but blurred figures that his brain compromised for the sake of the sanity that he had managed to keep from the entire ordeal. His mind ( while he thought otherwise ) was probably the only thing that kept him from the insanity of what he was made to be. Though there was always a flaw, and that flaw was of a scarlet hue that was easy to find with a little prick of something small. The pinkette just shut his eyes as the silence continued, at least until he felt a soft touch upon his lips.
His pink hues quickly widened as his eyes flicked back to face the gaze of the ginger that sat next to him. He was actually quite surprised when the other started to speak. A better offer? Satoru was actually quite surprised the other had even been listening to him. Though, he guessed all the information that Az didn't say had to go somewhere... so it wasn't all that surprising. When the male made his counter offer Satoru was more than surprised by it. Az hadn't asked once about his life before now after all the time that he had been back and had been thrust upon the other after having been gone so long.
Only after the man removed his finger did the pinkette take a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. While it wasn't really that much the ginger was asking for it was also hard for the sacrifice to accept. "I don't think its a bad deal, actually its quite fair.. but I don't think you really want to know what happened to me. I mean.. I'm not like you and the others..." his eyes drifted away from the ginger as he pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them setting his chin on his legs. "I dream of things you all think is crazy... " he said softly. He didn't really know if that was something Az would be interested in...
When Az got like this, he could almost be described as "normal". Almost. Perhaps not in the traditional sense of the term, but at the very least he appeared lucid. Az couldn't help but be pleased with himself at Satoru's surprise, and smirked when the shorter male voiced his concerns.
"Are you saying that because you honestly think I don't want to know," Az asked as he stretched his back and arms towards the ceiling, as if he had just woken up from an unspeakably long slumber, "Or because you don't want me to know?" He lowered his arms and gave his sacrifice a clearly unconcerned look with a raised eyebrow. But before giving Satoru a chance to speak, Az continued: "Don't answer that; it doesn't matter either way."
"Do you know how many of the books I've read in this room? The answer is Every. Single. One. If your opinion of me -- regardless of my state of mind -- is that I enjoy hiding information from myself or being left in the dark about certain facts, you need to dramatically revise that opinion." Az paused for a brief moment to shift his position. His legs were now crossed and his shoulders leaning on his knees, while his upper body was bent forwards, towards Satoru, so Az could very clearly look him in the eyes. "And if you think that you're the craziest person living under this roof, you, sir, are in an impossibly deep denial about your situation. Listen, we've always been acutely aware that we aren't typical people and we haven't been dragged though life in the typical way. If you say your dreams are crazy because they're different from ours, then they likely aren't crazy at all, just different from what we're used to."
Sighing, Az leaned back against the shelf and crossed his arms over his chest. "Deal's still on the table, if you want it."
The petite male was actually quite afraid, and he wasn't sure what to do about it. It wasn't fair of him to ask his fighter to live in the dark forever, and he knew that. There were so many things that the pinkette thought to himself at night, that he wouldn't be able to live with. He hadn't been raised with his fighter or the other zero's, so he did not know the same things as they did. The token could also be flipped the same way, as they could not understand what it was like to be a normal human as Satoru had, even if he had never truly belonged there.
At the red-haired male's words his red orbs flicked his way as his ears fell some. He wasn't sure of that answer, he really wasnt. Perhaps, in the deepest parts of his mind it was both of them. He was afraid of what Azrael would think of him after such things. Satoru didn't want to be alone again, he had already lost everything once he couldn't take it again. Azrael, despite what little time they had been together, he was all he really had left. This was why Satoru acted almost gentle with the other, as if he was something that could break easily. Or maybe it was because Satoru thought that he would be the one to break him much like he had broken the last people he loved dearly.
Even though he told him not to answer the words came out almost as if in a whisper as the pinkette pulled his legs closer. "I can't answer it anyway, cause I don't know the answer." he said softly. He didn't want to lead the other on, and he deserved at least some truth from Satoru no matter how twisted and broken that had become in the recess of the pinkette's mind. As the ginger continued his words, Satoru wasn't all that surprised by what he had to say. After all he had caught the other reading over his shoulder more than once. When he paused to shift Satoru slowly opened his previously closed red orbs. "I didn't ever think of you that way, its not that I think you like not knowing. I know I owe you of all people some explanation..."
The pinkette slowly quieted again as the ginger started to speak again. His orbs staring right into his red hues. At his words something in his chest ached for that reality that they didn't know. 'You're right Az, except... I was dragged through life the way that it was supposed to be.. then with my own two hands.....' he couldn't think like that lest the tears start forming like they did when he woke. He never woke from his dreams without them falling, and he could tell he had relived it day after day the things he had done and the things he couldn't get back no matter how hard he tried.
Az had said something that he didn't quite catch because of his own little interlude. "You're not crazy, none of you really are. Just because I don't act like you... doesn't mean you're crazy. We were just raised in two very different situations. I will tell you about what happened to me, but .. it won't be easy, and I ask that it doesn't leave you. I have to do this in my own time, and in my own way if I am ever to truly heal from what has happened. You letting the others know, won't let me do it myself. I hope one day.... I won't wake up every day with tears streaming down my face. " he said softly.
He could feel them now pricking at his eyes. "So... if you get me a brush... I'll try to start from the beginning." he said softly. Sat knew this wasn't going to be easy, none of it ever would, but Az deserved to know. He was also the one that Satoru cared about now, so if he couldn't tell him how would he ever be able to move on from it? As the very first one began to fall Satoru just let it fall not even caring to hide it from the ginger. If this went correctly, the other would probably see a lot more of them...
Ever since Satoru came here, he had treated Az differently than the others of his family. Naturally Az took note of this and had initially come to the conclusion that is was exclusively due to the unusual bond which they could both feel. However, Az had, at first, responded with complete and utter apathy towards the newcomer. He didn't believe that he had to rely on this stranger just because they had been genetically engineered to be paired together as fighter and sacrifice. He wasn't what the scientists had made him to be. He wasn't what they wanted. He wasn't going to be bound by the fate which they had designed for him.
Over time, Az had become to suspect that Satoru's treatment of him came from something more than their scientifically fabricated bond. Perhaps the cause was not something different in its entirety, but the root had to be deeper and more complex than he had initially assumed. Although he had been tempted at times, Az has restrained himself -- at least until this moment -- from digging into the dirt of Satoru's past.
Although Az appreciated the sentiment of being deemed "not crazy" by his partner, he couldn't help but silently conclude that the two of them had rather different definitions of the phrase. Still, he wasn't going to argue the point. Az rarely remained in his lucid state for long, and he wasn't going to pretend to waste it on such a trivial argument. "You--" Az began, then paused briefly as he produced a small brush from the back pocket of his baggy pants, then gently bonked Satoru on the forehead with it, "worry too much." Whether this had all been a very carefully thought out plan or if Az simply held onto the brush so that no one tried sneakily assaulting his hair with it, he would never tell.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not usually the most talkative guy around," Az continued with a hint of sarcasm. He was incredibly frugal with his words most of the time, and getting him to give a straight answer was like pulling teeth, "Whatever you chose to tell me is just between us two. No one else has any business knowing it, unless you wish to tell them as well. It's your story to tell, not mine." Scooting over so that he was positioned next to his curled up sacrifice, Az wrapped his arms around the pinkette's head and shoulders. Although nuzzling and cuddling was commonplace for Az, hugs such as this were a rarity. Softly, he mumbled, "And know that, regardless of what you say, regardless of how you say it, I will not judge you or hate you for it. I will never judge or hate you."
When Az stood up from his seat on the floor, he guided one of Satoru's arms away from his curled up figure, indicating that he should stand and follow. Smiling, he asked "What do you say we go find you a proper chair, hm?"
Satoru wanted to be honest with the ginger, but it was hard. It was hard speaking of the things that he wished to know about him. He was afraid as well, afraid that after he did tell the secrets of his hidden heart that the other wouldn't care about him in the same way. It had taken so long to become readjusted to the ginger, and they had come a long way and he didn't want to lose that again. At this point, the only one that he desperately cared about anymore was the ginger himself. Az would do everything he could to protect him, even if he didn't have his sanity he knew that he would protect him until his last breath despite being classified as a sacrifice instead of a fighter.
So when he spoke his worries he wasn't sure how the ginger would respond to them. To say the least he did not expect what came next as something hard hit his forehead. His hues instantly opened to see a brush that the ginger had pulled from somewhere the pinkette hadn't managed to see. The thought crossed his mind that the ginger had planned this entire thing out but he didn't dare speak of this as it was just a thought. He really didn't have that much proof of it. The ginger was a bit unpredictable after all and he could have had the brush for other reasons. As Sat thought about such things the ginger spoke and his red iris' flicked back to the other.
His words instantly seemed to hit the part of his heart that was afraid of what would happened. The ginger saying that... he felt his body visibly relax and ease. If he said he wouldn't hate him... then maybe he could do this. The stress alone was enough to keep the pinkette afraid and keeping it to himself. For some reason though, Sat believed the ginger, he didn't think the would lie to him. "You don't know ... how relieved that makes me." he whispered softly. He quietly wiped at the tears that seemed to form where he had started to cry for a different reason this time.
Sat blinked however when the ginger stood up and pulled one of his arms with him. The pinkette slowly uncurled himself from his position standing up. His touch... had it always comforted him so? Sat couldn't remember the last time that the ginger had touched him ... but this time it almost felt like it could calm him by itself. "Alright... " he said softly in response. He would go anywhere with the ginger, even if he didn't know that. Satoru could feel something more than just a bond that had been created for something more than what they were. Both had grown up so different but...
He felt like.. for the first time in forever.. he was home.
Azrael had never been good with emotions. To say that he experienced them just as a normal human does would be a lie, but to say that he didn't experience them at all would be equally untruthful. However, having stifled and and warped these feelings under innumerable masks of invented personalities since his early childhood, even Az could barely tell what he himself felt anymore.
All he knew right now is that he wanted to know more about Satoru beyond his name, face, and perceivable reactions. Az didn't think too much about his own motives behind this curiosity, since he had a hunch that not all of them were purely logical.
"I'm glad," he spoke softly as he maintained the embrace for a few moments longer. The statement was probably honest. Satoru, like Ama, Sky, Ame, and Killian, had become significant to him. He wasn't simply another body mechanically trudging through the machine of life. Az would probably be upset if the boy vanished from his life for one reason or another. Probably. But like so many other speculations about this existence, Az couldn't know for sure.
Regardless, his lips curved into a slight smile when Sat agreed. Without a word, he turned around and pulled Sat along as he walked over to one of the more comfortable chairs in the library. Repositioning his hands so that they were on Sat's shoulders, he gently pushed downwards on the pinkette to indicate that he should sit. Then he pulled over a footrest, about the same height as the chair, and plopped himself down on top of it, back straight and legs crossed. Taking Sat's hand, he put the handle of the bush in his palm and wrapped his fingers around it, patting it a few times before letting go and turning to face away from his sacrifice, giving the smaller male easy access to his knotted red locks.
Sat wasn't as afraid anymore. Maybe this is what people meant when you had your correct partner with you. While they were just created to be something more than normal, he really felt that connection. It was more to the pinkette than just a fake bond that was put there to make them believe that someone else had chosen for them. It was thanks to the red head that he had managed to overcome the bit of insanity that had managed to overtake him. So what he asked of him was not something hard for the pinkette to deliver. And truly, it was about time that he would be able to speak to someone else about what had happened to him.
Without any resistance, the pinkete followed him a little bit deeper into the library where the man had chosen their destination to be. At least it was a comfortable spot for both of them. Good thing too, because some of these knots seemed like they were going to take some work before he got them finished and done correctly. The pinkette let the taller man push him into the seat and he quickly got comfortable before scooting to the edge of his seat as the other came back with a footstool for himself. Finally the weapon was turned over the cool touch of the handle against his palm. A soft pat to assure him before the other sat down giving himself over to him.
He had never seen Az like this, and it was hard to believe in quite honesty. Like the other would disappear the minute he would connect the weapon to the dangerous locks. "Alright... as you know.. I didn't grow up with the other zero's... the first thing I remember was a really big house. I was brought to a family that had a lot of money, and would do anything I asked them too." he began his soft voice only accompanied by the soft touches of the weapon he used again the unruly locks that refused to become untangled before him and put up a fight that he slowly would win no matter how long it took.
"They were really kind, and I believed them to be my real family" he said softly as his mind momentarily worked on a rather hard tangle. "Just let me know if I pull a bit to hard okay?" he said softly as he bit his lip hard. This wasn't going to be as easy as he thought it was. Even with it being Az it was hard to bring up the past.. especially as he felt the first bit of tears starting to bite at his eyes, and his throat start to quiver as he thought of the story that he was going to try to unfold.
It was amazing how easily Satoru followed his lead. His sacrifice had known him for a year and a half; although it wasn't enough time for the pinkette to know every dark crevice of Azrael's soul, it was long enough for him to realize that those crevices were existed. Most people he knew for any significant length of time didn't follow him so easily. They didn't trust him, and for good reason. Yet Satoru followed him; he let Az pull him along like a marionette. It was true that Az wouldn't kill him or dispose of him like some sort of pest, despite his personal conflict over having a true bond with someone another human had predetermined. But the fact that Satoru could so easily take this for granted struck him as odd. Perhaps this was due to Az's inability to trust the other to an equivalent degree. He couldn't. It wasn't in his nature to trust. To assume. To express himself for who he truly was.
He was more monstrous than most of those he knew would ever realize.
Maybe one day he would be able to openly talk about his past, as Satoru was -- at least in theory -- going to be doing now, but today was not that day. Even if he wanted to, he didn't know how. How could you explain a life which was so drastically different from the life of your audience and from the lives of anyone they had ever known? He remained silent as Satoru spoke of a house and a wealthy family to call his own.
Az hummed when Satoru told him to say if he was brushing too hard. "You can pull it out if you want. That was the deal," Az replied as he leaned back and tilted his head so he could see the pinkette's face, "I wouldn't feel it anyway. Don't worry about me." His lips offered a flawless reassuring smile. Time had made it so easy for him to feign emotions that weren't there.
Returning to his original position, facing away from his sacrifice, Az let a moment pass before asking in a slightly quieter tone, "Were you happy with them?"
@satoru | one day I'll stop being lazy and start using fancy templates for this thread, but today is not that day 8|
It was a odd feeling to be here with his fighter. There were so many things that were different from the two of them. They were two very different people yet they had been made for one another, not even like a real pair. They had been made, instead of born into this cursed world full of grief, pain, and hatred. It was a surprise that the zero's had lasted so long as they had. Actually it wasn't all that of a surprise since they had been made from the beginning to serve a master they could never leave, a master that didn't care if they killed and never found their place in this world. As if they should have never been in it.
It was hard speaking of his past, the fighter deserved it, but it was hard none the less. Sat hardly wanted to recall such memories that felt like they crushed him with ever turn. The zero wished that he had never been taken from the lab where they had found him. Maybe he wouldn't be in such pain now, or maybe he would be in a bit closer state to the man that was sitting right in front of him. Maybe things would be different, and maybe he would feel more a part of the Zero's than he did now. Even as it was he felt replaceable it was easy to see that Azrael was strong and he was paired with someone that could easily kill without hesitation. Azrael could be strong with anyone that was put with him, so why did he need someone like him?
Sat's grip on the brush tightened some but he was pulled out of his present thoughts by the answer of the other. He said that Sat could pull it out but he didn't want to. Sat had always loved Az's bright red locks that fell almost as long as his own that trailed down his back. There were very few things that Sat admired in this world, and he was one of them. Azrael was something that everyone wanted, he was strong, he was stunning and he was very, very handsome. Sat could hardly think someone like that needed someone as small, tiny and shy as he was. Yet when he looked at him with the emotions that were fawned across his face a pain hit his chest.
Sat's eyes saddened some, "You don't have to fake a smile or anything in front of me." he said softly. He knew Az well enough to tell that at least. He actually wondered if Az had ever really felt the emotions that he had at least felt once upon a time. After all, the more he got to know his own fighter the more he wondered just who was the one worst off. Sat had lived the life of a human, and although he had lost it, he had at least got to live it. Had Az ever really felt true joy, happiness, sorrow? Sat highly doubted any of the Zero's had been able to truly understand the things that he had felt or been able to cherish the ability to have such feelings.
As the red-head turned away again his question caught Satoru off guard for a moment. "Yes, I can remember as much. I think about it all the time, what I had and how... " he stopped for a moment as the tears that had started to come freely fell now and he closed his pink hues for a moment before slowly opening again. He quickly and furiously wiped at his tears now to clear them from his face in front of his fighter, oh how embarrassing it was to cry and look so weak in front of him. "It was my fault it ended... it... it's my fault everyone I used to love is dead.." he said shaking a little.
He didn't dare say anything else till he got his act together. This wasn't the time to cry, but it was so hard to keep it all in. That was all Sat had done for so long, was hide everything and force everything inside. He felt like he was the outcast no matter where he went. Sat wasn't a true Zero, as he had lived a different life, but he wasn't a human either. There was no place for him to feel like he was needed or he was even wanted. He didn't know what to feel or even what to say half the time. Az was all he had, and even that felt like it could slip away at any minute.
"I feel like I'm so selfish. That I got to feel things that none of the other Zero's have.. I feel like an outcast..."
To be brutally honest, all zeros were replaceable. Since they had the same true name, they could go through a procedure to swap them around. At least, that's what the Zero Project records he had smuggled from Seven Moons suggested. Even so, Azrael had no desire to change his sacrifice. Internal debate on whether he even wanted a sacrifice aside, he was quite fascinated by the little pinkette. Yes, he was an inhuman experiment incapable of ever experiencing pain, like himself, but he acted as if he was human. He possessed a very human empathy and morality which set him apart from the other living weapons which shared his true name. At the same time, he was not human and could not live a normal life, especially now that Seven Moons had found him again.
Azrael's leash had been held by the hands of warmongers and tyrants for as long as he could remember. His life had been dedicated to destruction which, although it would be a lie to say that causing pain for others gave him no pleasure, Azrael did not enjoy indiscriminate slaughter. It all seemed so dull after a while, like how even the most delicious cake can taste like filth when you've already eaten far too much. Satoru, though, did not have a murderous intent (at least under most circumstances). Following him would be like starving himself before even getting a mere taste of that cake, and that was an intriguing enough idea for Azrael to consider it.
When Satoru said that he didn't have to fake smile for him, Az's grin fell slightly before asking "Do you dislike me like this?" His expression instantly reverted to neutral apathy with frightening ease. "I don't have to express emotion if that would make you more comfortable." Az knew how to hide emotion and he knew how to simulate emotion, but expressing emotions that were his own was new territory for him, which is why he didn't offer to do so.
After he turned away, Azrael didn't have to look at his sacrifice to know that he was crying. He gave the pinkette a few moments of silence, but when he blamed himself, Azrael leaned all the way back, and placed the back of his head on Satoru's legs. "You didn't mean to," he said simply as he reached up and put the pained face of his sacrifice between his hands, watching him with emerald eyes. "I don't know what happened, but I know if you had more control or more knowledge of how it would end, things wouldn't have ended the same way. That's how you are."
"No one gets to decide how they're raised," he replied to Satoru's next statement as he let his arms fall outstretched onto the couch, "I'm glad that you've had a life that's different from mine; it doesn't make you an outcast. At least, not among the people living in this house. It's your home, too, for as long as you wish for it to be."